Resources for Significant Others, Friends, Family and Allies
of Transgender People

To reach the web page for each resources listed, click on the red heading of each entry, but remember, links are like spider webs.
The cyber silk that ties them together is constantly being built or torn done. So please
 let us know if you have trouble connecting to a site, or if you have some favorites of your own. We'll be sure to post them!

 

for SOFFAs only

Chat Rooms & Forums

EN/GENDER
PARTNERS
Started and maintained by Helen Boyd, author of “My Husband Betty.”

TRANSFAMILY
SPOUSE FORUM

To ensure privacy, subscriptions are approved by TransFamily. You will need to write a brief description of your situation and a very short bio.

TRANSPULSE.com
chat room and forums offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones—and extensive resources for suicide preven-tion, legal issues, medical needs, and more.

REDDIT / MYPARTNERISTRAN
From the site: “…a safe space and supportive environment for the significant others of transgender persons….”

STRAIGHT MEN, FTM/GQ PARTNERS
Though a great resource for non-trans men to talk about how their partners' gender identities affects them, the group has been serving more as an archive than a discussion for the past few years.

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Face-to-Face or Telephone Support

STRAIGHTSPOUSE NETWORK (SSN)
A peer to peer support group for straight spouses of LGBTQ people.

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Blogs and Sites

HUMAN RIGHTS COUNCIL
Resources for people with transgender family members

FIRST TIME SECOND TIME
Thoughts on relationships, roles, taking turns, gender and parenting from a queer family.

STRAIGHT SPOUSE NETWORK / YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Though not transgender-specific, a collection of stories written by straight spouses that illustrate you are not alone.

ASK METAFILTER
Topic: How To Support Myself While Supporting My Transitioning Spouse
Ask Metafilter is a member-to-member self-help site where members pose questions and get answers from other members of the community.

MY LIFE WITH A TRANSMAN (FTM)
From the blog: “I'm a female-born and identified partner, wife, girlfriend, squeeze, lover—you name it—of a Transman (FTM)….”

ELSPETH BROWN: TRANSPARTNER PROJECT
From the site: A comprehensive list of resources for the TransPartners Project: A project “devoted to exploring (and historicizing) the experience of partners of trans men.

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Publications

PFLAG
Welcoming Our Trans Family And Friends
A support guide for parents, families and friends of trans-gender and gender non-conforming people.

PFLAG
Opening The Straight Spouse’s Closet
A booklet that Though geared toward the spouses of LGBQ, lists ways It does list ways to support spouses in general,  and includes questions and answers that are common to all straight spouses.

for SOFFAs & Transgender People

Chat Rooms & Forums

STRAIGHT SPOUSE NETWORK OPEN FORUM
From the site: For the discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.

TRANSFAMILY-COUPLES
For both partners of couples where one partner is transgender at any stage of transitioning.

SOS, FRIENDS, FAMILY AND ALLIES OF FTMS
From the site: Unmoderated posting and relatively open. All referred by FtM-trans moderators are welcome, as are lovers and allies from other lists, all subject to moderator team approval. FtMs and other transfolk welcome.

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Face-to-Face Support

PFLAG / FIND A CHAPTER
A search by city, state or zip code, and includes contact information and locations by state.

RELATIONSHIP GARDENING
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (CA and OR) Shannon Batts, offers an in-person group for cisgender spouses of trans mates at any stage of the experience. Located in Portland, Oregon, the weekly groups are kept small, with the larger group as a whole gathering from time to time. As an aside, members often make social events and build friendships among themselves.

TRANSFAMILY SUPPORT MEETINGS
Meeting times and locations are for Cleveland, Akron and NE Ohio, but it has great national resources, too.

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Blogs and Sites

EN/GENDER
Helen Boyd’s (Author of “My Husband Betty.”) intelligent blog & super resource list, with a link to her forum & email list, for all—but leans toward partners of trans women.

PFLAG / FAMILY
Offers peer-to-peer support, publications, toolkits, and other resources to family members of LGBTQ people.

SISTER HOUSE
A blog with resources in the "Family Room Library" for both partners of, and  crossdressers (CD) and transgender people themselves. One article written by the wife of a crossdresser,  entitled ""How Your Crossdressing Changes Your Wife's Opinion of You," is claimed to have been read 70,000 times. The link above leads to a blog, "The Wives Speak Out."

SOFFA TRANS (ON FACEBOOK)
For the partners family and children of trans people to share support and pass on experiences in a safe way.

TRANS ROAD MAP
Geared toward the transgender person, but is also a great check list of things to do, ask, and research when trying to find a therapist for SOFFA’s as well—whether seeking individual or co-counseling.

HOME BUYING GUIDE
An article for home buyers with tips and advice that addresses issues such  as discrimination, filing for loans, finding a welcoming neighborhood and more.

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Publications

ARLENE ISTAR LEV 
Transgender Emergence: A Family Affair
Arlene (Ari) Istar Lev LCSW-R, CASAC, CST is a social worker, family therapist, educator, and writer whose work addresses the unique therapeutic needs of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people—and their families.

ARLENE ISTAR LEV
Couples In Transition: When One Is Trans And Other Is Not

PFLAG
Our Trans Loved Ones  
Questions and answers for parents, families, and friends of people who are transgender and gender expansive.

AMERICAN FAMILY THERAPY ACADEMY At The Edge: Exploring Gender And Sexuality In Couples And Families.
A clinical, but fascinating look at gender and sexuality—reconsidered.

families of Transgender children

Forums

REDDIT / CISPARENTTRANSKID
From the site: An LGBT-friendly place to discuss openly the unique experience that is parenting a transgendered or gender fluid child....

PARENTS OF TRANSGENDER KIDS
A Facebook page forsharing information, resources, and support among parents with transgender children and teens.

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Websites

HUMAN RIGHTS COUNCIL / TRANSGENDER CHILDREN & YOUTH
Find resources that transgender children, families and other youth-serving professionals need to support one another in their journeys.

TRANSKIDS PURPLE RAINBOW FOUNDATION
From the site: ...enhancing the future lives of TransKids by educating schools, peers, places of worship, the medical community, government bodies, and society in general, in an effort to seek fair and equal treatment for all transyouth.

TRANS YOUTH FAMILY ALLIES
This group raises public awareness about the challenges faced by children with gender variant identities.

TRANSACTIVE GENDER CENTER / FAMILY RESOURCES
A non-profit organization that provides information, activities, and support for transgender children and youth.

GENDER SPECTRUM
Parenting and family resources and information.

NATIONAL CENTER FOR GENDER EQUALITY / ISSUES / FAMILIES
Resources that focus on family rights and responding to discrimination related to family relationships.

COLAGE / KIDS OF TRANSGENDER PARENTS
From the site: COLAGE unites people with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and/or queer parents into a network of peers.

NEW YORK TIMES RESOURCE LIST FOR TRANSGENDER PEOPLE/YOUTH
Youth category.

PFLAG FOR FAMILIES
An index of reading material in support of the education of families.

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Publications

PFLAG
Our Trans Children

COLAGE / KIDS OF TRANSGENDER PARENTS
From the site: COLAGE unites people with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and/or queer parents into a network of peers.

PLAG
Be Yourself
Questions and Answers for Lesbian, Gay, Biseual, Transgender, Queer, and Questioning Youth.

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when you're ready to be an ally

Websites & Resources

PFLAG / TRANS ALLY
An index to more reading and PFLAG publications on becoming an ally of Transgender people.

STRAIGHT FOR EQUALITY
A national outreach and education project by PFLAG to empower new straight allies who don’t necessarily have a family connection to the gay community.

NATIONAL CENTER FOR TRANSGENDER EQUALITY
Information page with a PDF link about Supporting the Transgender People in Your Life: A Guide to Being a Good Ally

NATIONAL CENTER FOR TRANSGENDER EQUALITY
52 Things You Can Do for Transgender Equality.

GLAAD
Tips for Allies of Transgender People.

ALL TREATMENT.com
is a community based website connecting people to addiction resources. Their LGBTQIA Friendly Rehab Centers Near You technology uses your location to generate a local listing of all the LGBTQIA+ rehab centers in and around your community. The resource is free to the public.

THE RECOVERY VILLAGE
An alcohol and drug addiction recovery resource organization. From the website: There are many ways to support those affected by drug or alcohol abuse… having open conversations about unconditional love... presenting presenting equal opportunities, amenities and rights…providing equal services without discrimination.

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Blogs

EVERYDAY FEMINISM
Discusses 5 Ways to Support a Trans Person Experiencing Body Dysphoria

SHE WAS THE MAN OF MY DREAMS
A blog about the male-to-female transgender experience from a spouse’s perspective.

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Gender and Identity Affirming Terms

UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
Nursing@USC published a well written and visual resource that delves into health care barriers and how medical professionals must reframe health care for the transgender community. At the bottom of the article there is a helpful graphic on gender and identity affirming terms. 

GLAAD / TRANSGENDER ISSUES
GLAAD tells us that it serves as the “communi-cations epicenter of the LGBT movement,” equipping advocacy leaders with the tools they need to communicate more effectively.

NATIONAL CENTER FOR TRANSGENDER EQUALITY (NCTE) / TRANSGENDER TERMINOLOGY
The National Center for Transgender Equality is the nation’s leading social justice advocacy organization winning life-saving change for transgender people. NCTE was founded in 2003 by transgender activists.

NCTE / FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT TRANSGENDER PEOPLE
From the National Center for Transgender Equality site: Transgender people come from every region of the United States and around the world, from every racial and ethnic background, and from every faith community.

 

 

Books, articles & Movies

Books by SOFFAs

HELEN BOYD:
My Husband Betty

HELEN BOYD:
She’s Not The Man I Married

She's Not The Man I Married

DIANE & JACOB ANDERSON-MINSHALL:
Queerly Beloved: A Love Story Across Genders

LESLIE HILBURN-FABIAN
My Husband's A Woman Now: A Shared Journey of Transition and Love

JORDAN JOHNSON, BECKY GARRISON
Love Always, Partners of Tran People on Intimacy, Challenge and Resilience

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Books About Transgender People/Kids

THE HUFFINGTON POST
The 21 best transgender and gender non-conforming books for kids.

GOODREADS
Popular transgender books.

ADVOCATE
The year’s best transgender books

THE GUARDIAN
Top 10 books by transgender authors featuring trans characters.

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Articles of Interest BY OTHERS

NEW YORK MAG / THE CUT
My Husband is My Wife Now
The spouses of transgender people face their own dramatic transformations—
only no one celebrates them.
by Alex Morris

THOUGHT CATALOG
15 Spouses of Transgender People On How Their Relationship Changed After The Unexpected Transition
by Jessica Winters

CHICAGOTRIBUNE /.COM
Surban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
by Angie Leventis Lourgos

The H BLOG / HUFFINGPOST
Answers From the Wife of a Transgender Woman
by Regina

•   •   •   •
movie Data Bases

BFI FILM FOREVER 10 great transgender films.

SUPERLIMINAL Transgender movie recommendations.

IMBD
A list of transgender movies.

RANKER
The best transgender movies.

ADVOCATE
27 transgender film and TV portrayals that helped turn the tide.